Heart String Poetry
[Love's face]
you
I don’t have all the answers
but I am certain of you
because it has always been you
that gives flight to the butterflies inside me
you who spreads hope like rainfall
and you who pulled me from hiding
with dreams in your eyes.
it has always been you
and the sound of your smile
playing a soundtrack in my sleep.
can you hear all of the words
that I’ve been aching to say?
that I only go where the lights pull me
and you,
my love,
are the stars.
[November]
capturing
I tried to capture you
in a poem –
but you bled off the
edges of every
stanza
I tried to capture you
in a painting –
but the colours of you
mixed together
and stained the
canvas
I tried to capture you
in a song –
but my voice crack-
-ed and the strings snapp-
-ed on all
of your favourite chords
[Old friends]
mom
she was there behind it all
hiding in her own damage,
becoming it.
trying to save her was like
trying to save shadows from the darkness
from where they are whole
and nothing at all.
welcome to my garden
breathe him in,
his words are music for those who will listen.
catch his eye,
he watches the world with glittering eyes
and waters every neighbour’s garden.
he grows flowers in my heart
when he smiles at the rain.
welcome to my garden.
the last call
in the end
it was just a low, defeated,
“is there nothing I can do?”
but his decision was made for us
before I could try
and I sat on the floor surrounded by tissues
holding my stomach like it was hollow
holding my phone to my face
like it was his chest
and listened
his heart beat distantly
for dreams that no longer involved me
as I lost him in the sound waves
disappearing act
I was enchanted by him
he said I was too good to be true
my magic had to be an illusion
that he couldn’t see through
but behind the curtain
he found no charade
I fed him no lies
no tricks of the trade
doesn’t take much to vanish these days
he was a kaleidoscope of tragic
and for his final act
he disappeared
[The hardest part]
relapse
it’s in the little things
emptying picture frames
returning belongings
the stomach ache
lack of hunger and sleep
text messages typed and backspaced
tears staining my pillowcase
it all comes back
months later
sitting on my bed
cleaning out my voicemail box
getting caught off guard
finding that his voice is still there
places
I thought I’d erased him from
filters
I wish I could give you my eyes
to see yourself with
so you could see
how beautiful you really are
through the eyes of someone
who hasn’t been trained
to think otherwise
please
don’t let insecurity
blur the beauty
you were born with
layers
I miss the layers of me
that love seems to grow
the velvet collarbone kisses
the flirt in my voice on the phone
the joy of buying stamps to send letters
the delicate words that pour out of my pen
the way my heart unfolds like rose petals
when I begin to trust again
I miss the girl who smiles
with ease and certainty
I miss how she glows
I find her here and there
in the mirror
she’s still wearing his clothes
smudges
don’t erase the traces of us
don’t look back with an empty heart
do you remember the way the leaves fell for us
as we arrived at the cottage last fall?
do you remember the magic?
the sweaters, kisses, notes and voicemails.
remember us this way.
so what, if it wasn’t meant to be?
it was meant to be for then.
don’t smudge the ink
of the love we printed so boldly.
the moment
I’ve rehearsed the moment.
the one you wait a lifetime for.
but mine changed
without me noticing
it used to be a man on one knee
asking for me and only me.
my dreams have changed since then;
there are endless roles
to breathe myself through,
books to write,
plane tickets to buy,
photographs that need me.
kind of freeing isn’t it?
realizing that the moments
I’ve been waiting for
are now waiting on me.
(All words and art by Clarice)
